Sunday, September 30, 2012

Too late?

COMEDIAN: ...it doesn't MEAN anything! Like, if she played a PROSTITUTE would that mean you got to FUCK her? No, exactly! So anyway, what is the deal with these assholes who flew those planes into the World Trade Center? AUDIENCE: BOOOOOO!! COMEDIAN: I mean, what did Oscar Wilde say... once could be a mistake, but two is just fuckin' careless, right? I mean were they really terrorists, or were they just really late for work, you know? AUDIENCE: BOO! SHUT UP! TOO SOON! COMEDIAN: 'Look, my boss is gonna kill me! There's the office, just drop me the fuck off!' AUDIENCE: GET OFF THE STAGE, ASSHOLE! BOOOO! FUCK YOU! SHUT UP! COMEDIAN: I swear, there's got to have been some office worker guy who was thinking 'Christ, I just want this day to be over'... then he looks out the WINDOW, you know, 'CHRIST! I take it back, what the FUCK!?' AUDIENCE: BOO! HAVE SOME RESPECT! WAY TOO SOON, SHITHEAD! BOOO! COMEDIAN: Yeah, this is a comedy club. I really recommend staying home if you don't have a sense of humor. AUDIENCE: OFF ! OFF! OFF! FUCK YOU! COMEDIAN: What, was your mom up there or something? Is that what pulled the planes in? AUDIENCE: MOTHERFUCKER! GET OUT! SCREW YOU! BOOOO

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Friday, August 24, 2012

It's not necessary to breathe

HADES: NEXT. Your heroic details have pleased me, mortal. You shall pass from this place to the Fields of Elysium. There an endless banquet awaits you! You shall feast for all eternity and never become full. HERO: All right! HADES: NEXT. Vile scoundrel! For your sins in life, I curse you to spend eternity in the pit of Tartarus! There you will be tormented by infinite food and drink! And no matter how much you consume, you can NEVER sate your ravenous hunger! VILLAIN: Please, Lord, mercy! Anything! ...wait, what? Hang on a minute. HADES: NEXT.
Please don't all write in; I know it's wrong.
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Saturday, July 14, 2012

Guest post: Two simians enter, one simian leaves

I am uploading this because it is criminal for it to no longer exist anywhere on the internet. It was drawn ten years ago and is still better than anything I will ever create.

Bonus: here is an exclusive extract of an early draft.
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Saturday, June 09, 2012

Donkey otter?

Horatio Nugent: the classically-trained actor, where the joke is that he sometimes gets his lines wrong. SANCHO: You call my master a fool. Deluded. You call him a madman. I ask you: is he really so mad? Is it mad to aspire to nobility? To valour? To dream of a world which has not forgotten the values of old? The knightly virtues of chivalry and honour? And to venerate the purity and chaste beauty of Courtney Love? ... Courtly. Courtly love.

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Saturday, May 26, 2012

The fan-art/OC nexus

Sadly I have been a bit busy making Portal levels and otherwise wasting time to finish any comics of late. Instead, here are some crappy doodles. They are not funny in and of themselves but there is a bit of meta-humour in the fact that I think it is in any way acceptable to post them.
Adventure Time!

In honour of 2012.

Evil scientist with a laser ray gun thing.

Impromptu remake of a thirteen-year-old cartoon.
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