Sunday, January 28, 2007

Just like so random

Guide to Student Etiquette part #16b: Refusing a flyer. Yes, it's a tricky business on the way in and out of campus, but it can be done without causing offence. Here's how! *Earphones. Maybe I'm ignoring you, maybe I just can't hear. You don't know. Only I know. *Staring sullenly skywards. One look at this and most of them don't even bother to try. *'No thanks.' See, I'm being polite. You people are the scum of the earth and should be grateful I don't simply bludgeon you senseless with a fishing pole. *My hands are in my pockets. I couldn't take the thing even if I wanted it. Give up. *Weaving nimbly back and forth to maximise distance from vendors. Concentrate on surpressing guilt as you give Big Issue seller an especially wide berth. Congratulations, you did it! In time you will be able to 'run the gauntlet' at least twice a day with no significant loss of morale. Next time: lying to colleagues on a group project.Yeah, I'm reduced to raiding the archives again. You can tell because that's actually my old mp3 player, before it broke.

What? Oh, yes, and the date. Nice work, Sherlock.

I hope this advice comes in handy for anyone who happens to still be a student. Although I should qualify this by pointing out that I don't like students and never have. (If you are a student, don't worry. I probably meant every student except you.)

PS: Alternate last line - "Next time: How to sleep at night."

Friday, January 19, 2007

The warehouse... it's empty!

Shaun, Steve, Greg & J as Reservoir HogsIt's meant to be full of guns, money and drugs. But all the drugs got switched for the guns and then the money in some kind of contrived caper thing. And now we owe Very Big Harry... big time!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Here I go again on my own

COMICS presents: another year, another existential crisis! *BEEP BEEP BEEP* ME: (THINKS: Oh crap. I forgot I exist.)Every morning, dragged unceremoniously from merciful oblivion! Must life be so unkind? It turns out I forgot that the end of the year isn't really that big a deal, as a new one begins almost immediately, taking me by surprise. This cruel turn of events accounts for my recent lack of creativity. I am ashamed to have disappointed my very many readers, who exist. You'll have to give me a little time to think of something to draw that won't get me either prosecuted* or ostracised from my immediate community**.

*We all think things in our heads that we would never ever do, right? ... um, right?
**Well, I could dish the dirt on various friends in the name of entertainment, but even if I changed the names they'd probably figure it out and come for me with hammers.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007