Thursday, December 23, 2010

Sketch dumping facility

Ought ten is drawing to its inevitable close and I have some leftover doodles which do not belong anywhere else. They are presented here for the sake of completeness. Join me next year when I will be scanning all the random biro squiggles on my work post-it notes and systematically publishing them to universal critical indifference.

I'm concerned. I think that Christopher may be experimenting with recreational drugs! (EXPERIMENT #8)The joke here is not the same joke it was going to be when I started out.

Boring StuismYour name is GONBIR STUSIM. You recently left your HIVE for personal reasons and now reside in a SHABBY HOLE IN THE GROUND. You have no HOBBIES as such but enjoy loafing around the place and doing NOTHING MUCH. Your apathy is such that your BELONGINGS still mostly reside in the TEMPORARY STORAGE RECEPTACLES you used during the move. These are strewn randomly about in such a way to prove an occasional nuisance, partly to you but mainly to your LUSUS, which being a GIANT BLIND CATERPILLAR is not adjusting all that well to the move, tending to BUMP INTO THINGS and generally struggle to navigate.

You avoid contact with the outside world wherever possible, although with some persistence acquaintances are often able to occasion a BEGRUDGING RESPONSE. You are basically a TWO-MINUTE DOODLE who does not in any way warrant such a WALL OF TEXT; furthermore, you are doomed to perish soon in an EXTINCTION-LEVEL EVENT.

Your trolltag is biographicallyHazy and you are by habit a troll of few words.

Partially inspired by/entirely copied from Shadow of the ColossusTrue story; happened to a friend of mine.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

317 extraneous characters

SIGN: Jimcorp technologies Ltd. JIM: Good morning, team. Sorry I'm late. In fact, that's what I'm here to talk about. I am tired and cranky because I stayed up too late on the internet. And I am not the only one. How many productive hours are lost worldwide to compulsive browsing? There is a gap in the market for the right innovator. My proposal is this: instead of running for 24 hours, the internet will shut down every night at half past midnight. It will be replaced by pages from Ceefax.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Solid Bro and Hella Otacon

where doing it man. where MAKING THIS HAPEN
Solid Bro and Hella Otacon
Will find some guns and shoot some things
Solid Bro and Hella Otacon
The stealth keeps happening

with their token black friend, Peter Stillman

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Ecumenical antics with Benedict & Rowan

POPE: We've met before, haven't we? ARCHBISHOP: I don't think so. Where was it you think we met? POPE: In your house. Don't you remember? ARCHBISHOP: No. No, I don't. Are you sure? POPE: As a matter of fact... I'm there right now. ARCHBISHOP: ...What?This comic brought to you in the style of THE INTERNET.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Dumbing down

HOST: Now then, Sarah, are you feeling confident? SARAH: I think so! HOST: Great! Then you have 2 minutes to talk lucidly on the subject of canal boats, while the surgeon just goes to town on your brain with this melon baller!I suppose I could get a ruler for drawing the panel borders. If I were made of money.

Friday, June 11, 2010

On the burning deck

20% heroic. 80% stupid. 100% AWESOME.In memory of the Chainsaw Massacre game mode in Left 4 Dead 2.

Never forget

Monday, June 07, 2010

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Development hell

PANIC STATIONS! The guy from the publishers is here! What!? But we have until November! They said! Every time, they turn up early and expect to see a finished product! And then they burden us with arbitrary changes under the pseudonym of 'creative input'! Well, it's not the same guy as last time. Maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt for once? *sigh* Maybe... Gooood afternoon, gents! Uh, hey. So you want to take a look at the latest build? Thaaaat's right! No pressure, you understand - we just like to see how everything's going! Okay. Just skip through the intro... Sorry, what are you doing? I'm just skipping past the logos. Hmm. I'm not sure whether I like that. We, uh, we've tried to make the interface as No. I don't like it. Make the logo unskippable. Let them skip your logo if you want. Our logo cost twenty thousand pounds. They have to watch the whole thing. Every time. (SOON.) This has been useful, gents. I will be back.Why yes, I genuinely believe the splash screens are added early on in the development process. Why do you ask?

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Inner ring road blues

'Lara Croft Way' 'Chuck Rock Way' 'Boris Verne Way'Just look it up on Google; I had to use Google to write it. This is not how comedy works.

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

True tales from the streets of Los Santos

CJ: Oh, sweet spot for a jump! *AWESOME* Yaah! PEDESTRIAN'S VERTEBRAE: *CRUNCH* CJ: Oof! One of these days I'm going to... hey, mister, are you okay? Excuse me? Are you... oh god. *huff huff huff*NB: I actually drew this last year, but declined to post it for reasons of quality control. Still, with the passing of time my standards will only fall further.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Friday, March 19, 2010

History week, week two: Bonus material


Thank goodness! BATMAN!This joke has to have been copied from somewhere, but it's gratifying to know I've always considered Batman the superhero with the most comedy potential.

VirocopMy school books were dense with the doodlings of whatever computer game I happened to be playing at the time. This is the only one I am including on account of it being freaking awesome.

Friday, March 12, 2010

History week: Dark genesis


and thence
and that is how I came to have this username. Nice going, 11-years-ago me.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Monday, March 08, 2010

Friday, March 05, 2010

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Okay my Spanish Galleons

I can't decide. They both looked better in the shop. I'd wear it with the other one but I don't have the legs for it. I'd say my top three features are my nose, my right breast, and I suppose my hair. If you could change one physical thing about yourself, do you know what yo- I'd have ACID BLOOD.Who said I can't write women because I totally can write women

Thursday, February 04, 2010

The B stands for Be

BLAKE: You wanna know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes BRASS BALLS to sell real estate. Question. CARL: Yes, I was just wondering. Do you carry those in your briefcase at all times? For illustrative purposes? BLAKE: Why yes. Yes I do. CARL: Okay. I have a follow-up question.I have the perfect joke lined up for if I ever have to introduce someone called Gareth to someone called Ross to someone called Glen. I am prepared to wait.

Monday, February 01, 2010