Monday, December 22, 2008

Kirby to his Land

I think I'm in denial about something... but what??With apologies to Roy Lichtenstein, and indeed to everybody else in the world.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Justified by the medium

CHRIS: Oh, hello Mrs Sanders. MRS SANDERS: Hi Chris. I'm really sorry to do this, but our babysitter is running late, and could you please look after Christopher for a few minutes? CHRIS: Sure! Don't worry about it. MRS SANDERS: You're a STAR. Thank you SO much. I've left a note for when she gets here. CHRIS: It's no trouble. So Christopher, do you want to read a story? CHRISTOPHER: no thank you CHRIS: Play a game? CHRISTOPHER: no thank you CHRIS: Hmm! Guess I'm drawing a blank here. Not got a lot in the way of kid-friendly entertainment. Have I Got News For You is on, but I don't suppose that's really your thing. I know! Don't go anywhere. SFX: THUD THUMP MIAOW CHRIS: (bearing an anvil) Here you go... this always used to crack me up when I was your age.Whoops, I gave them both the same name. I hope no-one noticed.

Saturday, December 06, 2008

This was not a triumph

Portal-powered perpetual motion deviceI'm afraid this proves it. It is thermodynamically impossible and can thus never be.


Saturday, November 29, 2008

Wall of text syndrome

MIKE: I swear it's getting like there's not enough hours in the day to be a gamer. CHRIS: Mm-hm. MIKE: Now all these developers insist on littering the games with secret unlockables, alternative endings, hidden characters and so on... and don't get me wrong, I think that's ADORABLE... CHRIS: Yuh. MIKE: ...but I don't have time to play through the game TWICE to access all the content that I PAID FOR. CHRIS: Right. MIKE: But strategy guides just spoil the fun. The only real solution is to have someone else read along as you play, and warn you if you're about to miss something. CHRIS: Who does that with you, then? MIKE: Nobody. No-one wants to. That's the problem. CHRIS: Too much like hard work? MIKE: Well, that and they object to the term 'FAQ-buddy'.They wear the ear-ring. It is their uniform.

Saturday, November 01, 2008

A rare action sequence

There's no dialogue, and what's left would lose something in the transcription. I will say this, though - it's got to be uncomfortably hot in that suit.Scanner news: I have a new scanner. Rejoice!

Man, that last panel is rubbish; I didn't think it through properly when I was doing it. I should redraw it. I should go and redraw it with a better explosion. It'd make more sense. It'd be something we could some day tell our kids. I'm gonna do that right now.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

It was a rhetorical answer

WOMAN: Why do left-handed people always write all hunched round like that? ME: Because otherwise your hand smudges everything as you move across the page. (beat) WOMAN: Wow! Someone finally explained it!!It may not be funny, but it's true. I am as an ambassador for my kind.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

See, I can do senseless violence

ELITA: Well? FELIX: It is done. The security system is disabled from within. They won't know what hit them. ELITA: Fantastic. And with that, you outlive your usefulness. FELIX: E-Elita? ELITA: Come now, what did you expect? That I'd allow a confessed traitor into our midst? You know of my plans, therefore you cannot live. Simple. FELIX: I... you can't! This... this is insane! Please, Elita! Please! ELITA: Wait, wait a minute. Check this out. This is going to be funny. Go on, Felix. Plead for your life again. Go ahead. FELIX: This... this isn't some *BLAM BLAM* ELITA: Hold that thought.Ever thus to the genre-blind.

You may notice the complete lack of backgrounds. This is so that you can project your own context upon this tale! Oh, the fun. Why are they speaking with such awkward syntax? Which one is the baddie? What are they even talking about? Is that a special future gun, or did the cartoonist simply get carried away? You decide.

Or maybe I'm just too idle to spend an extra twenty minutes drawing scenery. Sigh. Doing backgrounds is hard. Why should I be the only one slaving away at it? If only I had access to Photoshop and Google image search, then I could have a world famous web comic, with its own range of T-shirts and tote bags. And respect! All the respect I can eat! You'll pay! You'll all pay!!

Monday, September 22, 2008

Incredible* gaming facts #37

Few are aware of the earliest release version of MGS2, which was swiftly recalled:COLONEL: Snake, you've been playing for far too long! You must switch off the console immediately! Then you have to get the biggest knife you can find, and keep hitting both your parents until they are asleep! PLAYER: I HEAR AND OBEY.*The word used here in its most literal sense.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Gaze not into the abyss

It's legal *on the Internet*.You can impose your own interpretation on this one. That way, whatever it is, it's your fault.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

helscome my cartoon

There are some men. They have swords.This one didn't go quite right, hence the appearance of only two panels here. There was meant to be more, with some dialogue, and, you know, events. Uh, maybe later. If I can work up the impetus.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

See, I can do serious drama

WILSON: No, don't send help! Repeat, do not send help! You need to quarantine the area! Hello? Hello!? DAMN IT! Idiots... the only chance is if I wait it out. As long as I stay holed up SFX: CRASH WILSON: ...was that the barricade? FRANKLIN: WIIILSONNN WILSON: Oh god. Not Franklin. FRANKLIN: COVER MEEEE WILSON: I'm sorry, kid. I couldn't save you. FRANKLIN: BACK-UUUP SFX: BLAM BLAM BLAM FRANKLIN: TOO MANY OF THargle... WILSON: Well, that means I'm down to one bullet. They got in here... they got Franklin. Now it's just a matter of time. I guess I knew it was going to come to this point. (puts gun in mouth) I'm coming, Linda.SFX: click. WILSON: Shit. *sigh* Why did I think it would be cool to shoot that lock off? Well, dammit... I guess I've got no other choice. (And with all other options exhausted, Wilson beats himself to death with the butt of his own gun. Several minutes elapse between the final two panels.)There final panel wasn't originally going to be silent, but I couldn't decide which would make the best ending:

1) The zombies approach Wilson's corpse, moaning brain-dead banalities. He has escaped their fate.
2) Members of a rescue squad shout in vain down the corridor.
3) The entire town is consumed in a nuclear fireball.

So I ended up going with none of them, and the result is the tableaux you see before you. Nice punchline, yes?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Communist-capitalist dysphoria

The Roads: Join!It's those guys again. And this time they demand your unquestioning loyalty.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

In the wake of tragedy

#comedyforum, 08/04/2005
[brain] You should become a priest so you can rise up and become Pope
[brain] then we can make jokes about you when you die
[Zagreb] yes
[SolidJim] Subverting the system from within! Yes, I like it.
[rich_byrne] I could be Pope anyway, no need to be a proest. I fi bribed enough Cardinals to put my name forward
[SolidJim] What would your Pope name be?
[rich_byrne] every baptised male RC is eligible
[SolidJim] Is there an internet thingy to tell you what your Pope name is?
[rich_byrne] Pope Peter Paul and Mary
[SolidJim] Oh, man! I'm not baptised. Will that show up on my permanent record?
[brain] and then you can use your pope powers to kill Rob Power
[SolidJim] Oh, man! I'm not Catholic. Do you think they'd pick up on that in the application process?
[Zagreb] If an unbaptised man become Pope, the EARTH SPLITS

[SolidJim] I drew a picture of myself as Pope being confronted by Satan, but it's not very good.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Equal Opportunities

Equal opportunitiesScanner news: I am reduced to using the work scanner. Don't tell them!

Friday, February 22, 2008

Barrels within barrels then I thought, 'I wonder what would happen if I nailed my hand to the table?' And so... wait. Did I say 'police' back there? Oh. Well, anyway, I meant to say 'ambulance.' Sorry. You see...I am seriously running low on old cartoons here. Can you tell?

Sunday, February 03, 2008

The stupid version

WOMAN: NOOO! NO, NO, NO! MY CHILDREN WERE IN THE CAR! OH, JESUS, NO! SOB! BYSTANDER: (THINKS) don't say it. don't say it. don't say it. don't say it. (The preceding dialogue is rendered amusing by the presence of a crashing milk tanker.)We're on reruns, as I've discovered Windows Vista has an exciting new feature where your scanner can now not work. Until I can figure out a way around this, we're rocking it 2004-style, I'm afraid.

Friday, January 04, 2008

Witless parody comics

TITLE: Art Spiller's Sim City CAPTIONS: This city is a whore. A filthy slut. A fucking bitch! Goddamn, I hate women! Anyway, on this particular night we join our hero on the balcony of a high-rise apartment... HERO: (thinks) Boy, is that the time?In three fabulous colours!