Saturday, October 28, 2006

I need this on my desk by five

(FOXHOUND HQ) COLONEL: Team, business is slow! But this new counterterrorism product could be our ace-in-the-hole. NAOMI: Snake, it's a tough sell. But these salesmanship nanomachines are your ace-in-the-hole. NASTASHA: mnumnuh ace-in-the-hole nnumnuh MEI LING: Hi, Snake! Caffeine is my ace-in-the-hole where stress is concerned! Ha ha! SNAKE: Hey, Otacon. Did you ever hear of something for the first time, and then you keep hearing it lots of times, even though it isn't new? OTACON: No, not really. (Later...) MEI LING: Have you ever heard something you never heard of before, and then you keep hearing of it? OTACON: Why yes, Mei Ling. Yes I have.This happened to me with, for example, William Shatner's version of Rocket Man. I'm not going to explain any more because it could take the rest of our lives.

In other news, I think we've found our Oh Dae-Su.
Marco Pierre White as Oh Dae-Su (photo)Can 15 years of mental training be put into use?
Marco Pierre White as Oh Dae-Su (drawing)Yes, it can.

(Note to self: It is Marco Pierre White, and he has done nothing whatsoever to deserve such treatment.)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

Default settings

Hugglebot v2.0 will hug you TO PIECES"Yeah, so like 9 times out of 10 it boots up fine, but then every so often it goes into this genocidal...
"No, no, that was the first thing I checked.
"No, I don't like to go into the registry, I heard you can really screw it up that way?
"It's not that big a problem but it seems to be happening more often these days, uh. Do you think it could be some sort of, I dunno, software incompatibility, or... uh...
"Well, I just don't want to have to get a new one. It's stupid that it should just go wrong because it's a couple years old. I think I'll try uninstalling the A.I. and then reinstalling it.
"Well, maybe I'll send it over and YOU can look at it? I'm not MADE of money, you know. Goodbye."

Saturday, October 21, 2006

An insensitive portrayal of mental anguish

even when I'm with other people... I'm alone
even when I'm alone I'm with other people
In other news, this alarmed me significantly.
Fear me, you lords and lady creatures/ I descend upon your earth from the sky!/ I command your very souls, you unbelievers/ Bring before me what is mine!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Angry right-wing patriot

ARP sans axeWhat part of "go back to your own country" don't they understand? he's thinking. Probably all of it.

Angry right-wing patriot is quite intimidating and difficult to stop; indeed, this axe in the head only seemed to make him angrier. His shouted threats merged into an incoherent feral bellow as he advanced menacingly. Things were looking grim!
ARP with axeDon't worry, he dropped like a few seconds later.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Katamari, do your best!

#na naah na na na nana nah nah#Picnic kibun, feel so good!

What's that? You enjoyed the gaming reference, but were concerned that it all made altogether too much sense? Very well, I shall see what I can do. Analyse your way out of this.
TEACHER: Look well, girls, for this is how you shall know the sexual predator. Observe the outlandish dress and prehensile tail. PUPIL: But Ms. Crabappletree; Kuja, whilst of the same species, showed next to no evidence of sexual longing. TEACHER: SPOILERS!I'm not saying that sex education is like this, or indeed ever has been. I'm just saying that should it ever become like this, questions need to start being asked in very high places.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Talking hotel reservation blues

*RING* ME: (THINKS: Dammit!) *RING* ME: Hello? RECEPTIONIST: Is this James Typographical Error? Hi, sorry to disturb you. This is the Premier Travel Lodge. I just need to check your details so I can get this whole thing sorted. ME: Okay. RECEPTIONIST: Could you confirm your address for me? Okay. And you're happy for us to cancel the booking? ME: Um, what? No, I... I'm still coming to the hotel. RECEPTIONIST: You DON'T want to cancel it? But when I called earlier, you said I had the wrong number. ME: ... (THINKS: 'But when I called earlier, you said I had the wrong number.' 'But when I called earlier, you said I had the wrong number.' 'But when I called earlier, you said I had the wrong number.')I was going to scan this in colour, like that other one, but it didn't work so well this time. So I present it in standard, dowdy greyscale. This all happened, but I have taken some artistic licence. I would never answer my phone in the car, even if the traffic was as slow as it was.