Thursday, September 14, 2006

I don't care how wrong I am; this is my forum

ME: if you can just sign here, then we're all set. MANAGER: Thanks. Can I just say something? Are you aware that you've not once made eye contact with me? ME: Hm... well, I don't tend to make much eye contact. MANAGER: I'm not being funny, but eye contact is very important in business. It doesn't bother ME, but you should be aware that people will judge you on it. It's something you should work on. ME: Taken on board! Thanks, here's your copy. By the way, can I just say something? I'm not sure if you were aware of it, but what you just did there was INCREDIBLY rude. I can deal with it, but you should bear in mind that if you show a complete lack of tact and social grace, even in a business situation, people will think less of you. Just FYI.Of course I didn't really; no, I just went home and took it out on my The Cheat. It's sad to think how many households must bear witness to the same sad scenario: a man goes to work, he has his personal habits questioned by strangers, he drinks himself into a stupor (this step optional), comes home, kicks The Cheat and crawls into bed. When will these poor The Cheats be saved from the unholy spectre of domestic violence? I'll tell you when. When people stop fixating on the overrated irrelevancy of eye contact, that's when. My eye contact is strictly rationed. The eyes are the windows to the soul, and I can't afford the risk of people figuring out the horrific truth.

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