Petrol station blues

What's this? Actual new material? A cartoon actually drawn now, right now, specifically to post here? Done as best as I can, and it's still pretty much illegible? You'd better believe it.

What's the golden rule? Well, if you're me, the golden rule is never make eye contact with or speak to cashiers. The one time I forget the golden rule, what happens? This, that's what. Last time I forget the golden rule, you can be sure of that.

Synaesthesia

I don't suffer from this particular condition, although I do find that I perceive things that I see as colours and shapes. Additionally, I hear in sounds. Weird, eh?

Jad Fair & Daniel Johnston - Sweet Loafed
It should be "author of all lies". Whoops.

They Might Be Giants - Spiraling ShapeIt should be "Spiralling Shape". I reckon. (By the way, this is what I think of when I see the loading screen at the start of Day of the Tentacle. That's important; remember it.)

Chasing our cares away

Everybody sell out!

Health food and antagonism

Jumping the shark

The problem with any job, and I learned this during my time as a supermarket automaton, is that people are always expecting you to be perfect. The disparity between expectation and reality is forever rearing its ugly head.
You're not the Fonz. You're really not. Some people can learn to deal with this, while others can't.

Found art

Some stuff I apparently didn't consider worth scanning at the time.

I have absolutely no recollection of drawing this. It made me laugh.

Well, in fairness, that doesn't even look anything like Mr Orange. But it's not that bad, surely?

The Rapture

See if you can spot the CLEVER SYMBOLISM.

Found written beneath the original:
"Director's commentary: This was originally going to be a conversation between two guys. But then I realised it was a chance to combine my main two interests of Christ-bashing and misogyny! That then gave rise to the whole coda thing."

Lucien P Smith means business

Don't you hate it when you run a search for an obscure phrase and all you find is a blog post that has absolutely nothing to do with it?

These were drawn over a year apart, so please excuse any overlap in material. If they have taught me anything, it's that I totally should have a job coming up with names for products. (Actually, the second one is a joke name: since a vector is a straight line, it's not really appropriate for contact lenses. That's not very interesting and I should have kept it a secret.)

Fear (presented in order of chronology)

"Inspired" "by" tedthecaver.com.

Ah, if only they'd had the budget. (Which film am I thinking of?)

AAGH HE HAS A BARBECUE SAUSAGE FOR A MOUTH

(P.S: You were wrong. I was thinking of Baseketball.)

Three cartoons linking women and violence

It's a better attempt at postmodernism than it is at perspective.

This would be so much better if I'd spent some time on it, but as it is I scribbled it out last thing before going to bed one night. I was tired. This is why miss full-time education; I used to have more spare time than I knew what to do with. I'd have drawn the hell out of this thing back then. Possibly.

Okay, there isn't really a joke with this one. It is about the closest thing I can draw to an attractive woman, though, which might count.

Ripping off punchlines from 3rd Rock From The Sun, only in real life

I'm not proud of this, but damningly, I'm not ashamed of it either.

Summer activities

Meanwhile, across the pond...
(See? That's the sort of searing social commentary you can expect from this not-really-a-blog.)